Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Saturday, October 18, 2008

good thing the kids are cute...

...because last night was pretty friggin' disgusting. First of all, Shannon is uncharacteristically sick right now, so the glue that holds our family together against the forces of utter unkemptness is off her game a little. As in bed-ridden. So, last night, after a 10 hour day at work, I come home and grab a beer. This beer was to die a horrible, warm, neglected, un-drank death an hour later. Right away, Chumby heads-out to the side patio for some "alone time," a.k.a. taking a crap. No big deal. I get up from the couch, get a TP mitt in order, and scoop up the rather stinky turd. Chumby announces to me, loudly, while pointing, where the poop is. Like you could miss this giant blob of an un-welcomemat outside the door. "Thank you, snootcher, I, uh *gak* see it." I flush it and resume my position on the couch and take another drink. "Daaaaad," cries Desi. Alaster evidently is not finished with his reign if fecal terror. Up, scoop, flush, wipe, couch, beer. Two minutes pass, then two more poops pass. Up to clean, wash hands, ask Snootch if he is, in fact, done. I remain standing, just in case. Convinced all is clear, I sit. But ha ha motherfucker! The poop-de-grace earns the 'Ster another wipe-down, before he comes back inside, for a bath. Ah, all is well, the air is beginning to clear, I deposit Chumby in the drawing bath and take another sip. I'm almost through the door when I realize he's shitting in the water! Ha ha woo woo, the funny farm, where life is poopy all the time ha ha hoo hoo. Shannon, is continuing to whoop-there-cough-is pretty harshly from the kitchen. Why? I think it's because I'm scrambling to extricate toys and drain bath water due to poop. But no, she's coughing/laughing because she's in the kitchen watching the cat B A R F. ...A lot. This is funny to her beacuse she knows she's too fucking sick to be even remotely expected to clean-up cat yorch, and knows that my hands aren't even cold from chumby-poop duty part 4. She coughs/laughs some more as the offending feline goes on a puke rampage all over the kitchen. I've begun drawing another crap-free tub for Alaster after cleasing the area. At least it doesn't smell bad. Ha ha, uh, not. From the bathroom I inform Desi that her pet has soiled our otherwise totally all-the-time pristine kitchen, and now's the time for her to come be a responsible pet-owner (much to her surpise -- and horror. ", daddy?"). To my surprise, then horror, she steps-up to clean-up the compacted cat food yorch-logs under the table. One heave and gak, two heave and gak, three H&G, floor! Yup, you guessed it, she fucking barfed too! All over the floor! Ha ha ha! Shannon now cough/laughs so hard I think she's gonna yak next. Meanwhile, no kidding, Alaster damns another torpedo in bath #2 (numba twoo...get it?!!). I pause to mentally check that I haven't yet shit my pants myself. Did I mention that Shan sometimes wee-tiny lil bit wets her pants when she coughs too hard? "Oh yeah," quoth the yellow not-so kool-aid man! On to the kitchen! It's like my household was in the tail of some kinda Maximum Overdrive chain reaction elimination comet. I was afriad to sit down and relax after cleaning-up Desi's centrally located thrown-up homemade chicken soup, for fear of whatever could possibly be next. I think Shan actually jumped-in on the Desi mess while I finished de-catting a few items, cough/laughing all the while. Snootcher probably tried to keep the train rollin', but just didn't have it in him, poor guy. I washed my hands for the 19th time.
I finally got to the couch and finished a warm lonely beer. To my knowledge, we were finally free.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Honda HA HAs

since I'm weird like that, I can't just destroy the factory-OG paint job on my CB550's gas tank, so I spent $40 on ebay for a cleaner-on-the-inside tank, and sandblasted that one to give it the Razzle-Dazzle. Well, having no money to properly paint it at the moment, I've been forced to ride around all primer style. Needing the razzle-dazzle nonetheless, I've given the tank to Tech Jerimiah to bondo, then I'll attack it with the spray paint Jap Zero paint scheme. the HA HAs? oh yeah, seems that my ebay tank is a one-year-only Honda tank that requires a one-year-only fuel petcock...and I found this out as I turned it over to install the old petcock on it so I could ride home from work. Ha ha. the correct petcock? $60 new from ebay. It's expensive to make a crappy bike rockin'.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

why the long (beach BMW) face?

...having made it to the promised land of our new, motorcycles-only building, I'm wearing my stress on my sleeve. All sorts of dumb things are redefining my job, and if I wasn't holding up the whole totem pole before, brother now I sure am! Anyway, some pics of the new place, soon to be running on all 1200ccs...

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Back to NO-School homeschool LA Campout dicks we do this campout during the school week. ha ha. Carpenteria State Beach, weather was just great, kids had fun, and so did mom and dad. Pop-up performed admirably on its new tires. The right venerable Subaru continues to run well and astound. Shan didn't even say she was uncomfortable once.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

okay, the "either $200 or $1000" punchline

So I was t-t-talking to brother Garrett (Gary) about my hee-haw-larious pick-up truck shennanigans at the MMMC ride last weekend, and he says to me "oh shit bro, don't fuckin buy a wiring harness, go to the airport, buy some special non-melting wires like they use for airplanes, like I did, and REBUILD the wiring harness yourself, like I did on all 40 of the 1969 Chevy trucks I've owned!
Fun Fact! I'm gonna do what he says! I'm going for it! I'm not gonna do the smart thing and pay someone else to do it, I'm gonna fuck it up all by myself (as usual - but this time it's gonna work!) I figure, hey, brother Gary's brother John (brother John) has helped me so much with the beemer that Gary's gotta be hardcore too on the ancient vehicle diagnosis and a-fixing.
Fun Fact pt.2! Days before I fried the already jury-rigged wiring, I'd spent some surplus hundreds on fru-fru non-essentials like new grille pieces and headlight shells, hood emblems, and tractor wheels spec-orded from the great old boys at A-1 Wheel in Trombull, TX, USA, thereby leaving no monies to get the big green divorce machine running! ha ha!

brother Gary post-trophy last Sunday, post wiring advice.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

the $800 punchline

So, I went to move my truck 5 feet last night, left the charger connected, and POOF! ...every wire glowed red and caught on fire!! ha ha!
No really, all of the wires are now melted.
Fun Fact! I opened the hood at the first wisp of smoke and got a pyroclastic cloud of buring plastic fumes in the face. The truck began to go haywire, lights blinking on and off as connections went thru the water. As I ran around like crazy, I simultaniously unhooked the battery, douched it with the hose, and swang back inside the cab to take it outta gear, in case the ignition fired. Like I told Shannon, I scoff at people who have insane car payments; now they can laugh at my ridiculous insistance to drive old shitty cars.
Bottom line:
New wiring harness? $400 + labor (prob $400 also). Woo.
...good thing I'm so rich.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

things you need to know about (under $10)

public service post: injecting some rad and/or awesome images into the nat'l lexicon:
note that I can hook you up with these shirts; if you wanna dance, email me.

when having the dragon temper your sword, aim flame away from face, no wonder he's a skele. abandoned "Suicide Girls" T-Shirt design (will probably get this one in real life) white girl by mistake of clueless chinese manufacturer

...pretty sure it says "Casualties of War, Cauldron of Shit (another possible purchase by me, just to have a shirt that says "Indie Rock!"

...mmm, didn't really have an english-speaking human spell-check this one, didja? ...mmm munk fist...

ditto for this shirt ...NO MERCY!

...I will do whatever it takes to get this shirt

"SUAR" is another "actually gonna get it" shirt for me; actually very cool

...and when he created this t-shirt, he put white girls on it yo.

there is someone out there that would wear this; honestly. hoof; check it out then talk to it.

Shan got/animal-rescued a white bun-bun last week, the day before I bought the C20, thereby keeping our "1 animal = 1 vehicle" rule at our house intact. This one's for her, plus I just named it "Gangsta Bunny" jus now.

..and at your mama's house on Saturday night.

...So does sniffing your hands, you big-nosed WASP.

next to this box of garbage and flowers...

true dat

please direct your attention to the feet pressed against the window. This is another "gonna git it item

I would paint a colon (:) after the word "fish"

we all do, weird-ass red-hat soc. mule-lady, we all do.

Honestly, Muzak? Throw me outta the cab

this sums it up, without invoking the wreched song by name:

AAA has all of my money

Every vehicle I own is legally mine, and is registered and insured at the moment; spent an hour at AAA this morning, TCB. It's weird, makes me feel like going out and getting rear-ended.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

unlocking the locks/hair we grow again

I'm currently growing my hair long. This is new to me, and my hair is now the longest it has ever been -- 4 inches long in the back. As a life-long punker (post-punker nowadays), I've always kept my hair very short. It's just a functional length, really. Having short hair is just so hassle-free and comfortable. Well, the people at work have begun to notice, which is nice of them since I've been talking/complaining about it non-stop in front of the mirror for weeks now. "Pre-owned" Mike, who sits across from me at work and sells used cars, has *officially* challenged me to a grow-off. Mike has kinda always rocked the yuppie, slicked-down mullet, and he named the stakes: the first one to cut his hair owes the other a night of drinking at the bar across the street. My resolve has never been stronger, but now that free beers are involved, it's absolutely resolute. So, if I can't stand it at this length, why am I growing it long, anyway?One aspect of the idea was to use it as a remark against the Iraq war, thereby letting the passage of time that the fighting has continued-for be readily apparent when looking at the length of my hair. Fight on, you crazy diamonds, you're turning me into a hippie. A hippie with a free night at the bar ahead of him, yo.

Friday, July 25, 2008

paris in the springtime, rather Perris in the summer. more shots from my ride out to Perris, Ca to pick up my pick-up truck.

Robotic actions, thoughts

robot attack!, work, work. my son calls and says to come home.
2. he's been obsessed with the excellent movie the iron giant lately.
3. pic is of a future b-day present for my 9 year old: a trip to the studio ghibli museum in Japan. robot is from another wonderful movie, castle in the sky.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

tire pressure: important, turns-out

Shocks on the Honda OK after all; front tire was at 10 psi, back at 21psi; Whoops!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

vehicle introduction: 1969 Chevrolet Stepside C20

I bought this pickup truck yesterday in Perris, California. Dude, the neighborhood kids were never happier.

Loading-up the BMW with Mary's convenient adjustable/portable loading dock.

Every crushed vehicle on that tractor-trailer was newer than what I was driving! um, that's a good omen, right?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

my worlds colliding

and focusing into a lazer beam of cool shit I like! Rush will be playing live on The Colbert Report tonite! POW!

elephants need bigger dicks

So, me and the wife were engaged in the national pastime last night, and though we have a DVR, we were watching live TV(!). Therefore, we were forced to watch commercials in real time, just like in the good ol' days. Well, we were getting fucked at every break by all of the male enhancement ads; you know, the ads for those drugs that embiggen that certain part of the male body. They mean the penis, the rod, the...johnson. Anyway, an idea hit me like a freight train that keeps rollin' all night idea that was so big and attractive, yet kept going in and out of my consciousness until it finally sprang-forth fully-formed. To wit:

1.) all of these ads purport that they'll send you a week's supply for FREE, and
2.) they'll send a week's supply to me too, so,
3.) we should all call and get our big-dick-for-a-week-pills right away, so that
4.) we get them all at the same time,


5.) then we all go to the zoo and feed em all to one very special male elephant.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Technically speaking, babe, I'm an outlaw biker

76 Malibu Classic: Non-Op'ed, uninsured
91 Subaru Legacy: temporarily uninsured due to AAA pissing me off.
75 Honda CB55k1: not yet transferred title, uninsured.
75 BMW R75/6: current registration, insured too. to the DMV, more later.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

shirts for kids; screen printed by me; 2T & 3T sizes; $20 (includes postage!).

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

52 pick-up

if the last thing I need is an old pick-up truck, then why am I searching Craigslist for one?

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

the dark lord, revealed

my 2.5 year-old and I are watching SW:ep2 atm, and he parroted Obi-Wan when he says "Anakin!" as he throws his lightsaber to him, so I told Snootcher that Anakin becomes Darth Vader. His response? "oh my god, he put hat on."

Monday, July 7, 2008

HONDA update: bars installed & bike still works!

cool, got the bars on and wired-up. now for new side covers, paint, and suspension. the 34 year-old shocks SUCK, and, Marvin-K-Mooney, they must go now. also, wanna figure-out some 1 LED blinkers and a new smaller taillight.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

growing pains

I've been growing my hair out lately in protest of the iraq war, and let me tell you, it's starting to bug me a little.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

I *heart* punk rock

With so much musical input these days, and trying to suck it all in, it's easy to forget stuff you haven't listened-to in awhile. Man, there's so much music that never made the transition from tapes to digital; gotta get one of those tape-to-mp3 deals. lately, I've really been into unearthing early early heavy metal (black sabbath, budgie, some others I've discovered), "distilled" metal (3 Inches of Blood, Wolf), old reggae/ska, old blues, et alia. It's been easy to forget how good punk rock is. Sure, some of it is nostalgia, but honestly, soul-fortifying. Subhumans, Dead Kennedys, Still Little Fingers, Conflict, Youth Brigade, the Misfits, Black Flag, the Fixtures, Social Distortion. I took this pic of the wonderful band the Epoxies.